


round and round

by themoongirl



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Beating, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, i put the violence warning but nothing is too detailed, just in case, please be safe!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 15:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21460060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themoongirl/pseuds/themoongirl
Summary: Everything went black- five minutes ago? Ten minutes ago? Or was it only a few seconds? Robbe’s head is throbbing against the cold pavement and he can still hear the ticking of the bicycle wheel going round and round and round. It’s taunting him. It’s sayingyou weren’t fast enough. Why weren’t you fast enough?AKA, what I initially imagined happening after Robbe and Sander were left in the alleyway. My heart hurts and this is how I dealt with it.
Relationships: Robbe Ijzermans/Sander Driesen
Comments: 2
Kudos: 181





	round and round

The world doesn’t prepare you for the darkest moments of your life. There’s no warning. There’s no mark on a calendar. You just have to live, and in this moment, Robbe doesn’t feel alive.

Everything went black- five minutes ago? Ten minutes ago? Or was it only a few seconds? Robbe’s head is throbbing against the cold pavement and he can still hear the ticking of the bicycle wheel going round and round and round. It’s taunting him. It’s saying _you weren’t fast enough. Why weren’t you fast enough?_

Robbe hears a groan and jumps, a moment of terror hitting him as he envisions a second beating but- oh.

Sander.

Sander is dragging himself over to Robbe, a bruise forming over his left eye and a pained expression on his face. Robbe can’t move. He can’t think. His eyes squeeze shut as he turns his head into the pavement wishing the ground would swallow him whole. Fuck, his head hurts. And it hurts to breathe. It hurts to think.

“Robbe- we have to- we have to get up,” Sander coughs, placing a hand on Robbe’s shoulder. “C’mon, we can’t stay here.”

Robbe forgets how to speak.

“Hey, look at me,” Sander says gently, and Robbe obeys. “Maybe we should call someone.”

Right. Robbe momentarily forgot that any moment exists outside of this one. He coughs, wondering if he is tasting dirt or blood. 

“Phone-“ Robbe whispers. “My roommate. Fuck, where is my phone?”

“I’ll help you sit up,” Sander gently holds onto Robbe’s weight as he forces himself into a sitting position, both of them ending up leaning against the cold brick wall.

Sander keeps a hand on Robbe at all times as Robbe takes his phone out of his pocket, grateful it’s still in tact, and uses a shaking finger to tap Milan’s name.

Robbe places a hand in his hair and grips as he buries his face in his knees, trying to hide his pained expression from Sander.

“Hey- uh Robbe, now isn’t a good time-“

“Milan, I need help, please,” Robbe chokes, feeling unexpected tears in his eyes. Milan’s face the day before was so hurt, so disgusted as he had to educate Robbe on how insensitive he was being. How insensitive he was about being out and proud, about gay men choosing to get beat up rather than be something they’re not. Robbe wants to yell at the universe _are you happy now? Is this enough?_

“Where are you?” Milan asks, his voice changing completely. “Robbe? Tell me now.”

“An alley, fuck I don’t know-“ It was Sander’s decision to come here.

Sander takes the phone from him and gives Milan the address. Sander’s voice is steady. His face having calmed, the pain completely vanished. Robbe suddenly feels weak next to Sander with tears on his cheeks. He wipes at them aggressively as Sander hangs up.

“He’s coming,” Sander says. “It’s going to be fine.”

Robbe nods, looking away. 

They barely speak as they wait, Robbe’s ribs hurting more and more with each second. Sander tells him to sit up straight, to not bend his ribs in any uncomfortable position and Robbe briefly wonders why he knows this. Sander keeps stretching, apparently trying to stop his muscles from becoming too stiff. Robbe is as still as his bike now laying forgotten on the ground. They should have ran. They should have screamed. His elbows scream with pain as he remembers being thrown off his bike. Time had felt so slow. Like a nightmare where you just can’t seem to move fast enough.

“Robbe?” He hears someone yell and he jumps again. 

“Over here!” Sander yells over to the three figures in the distance. Robbe feels his face burn with shame.

“Fuck,” He hears Zoe mutter as Milan leads the way with Senne close behind.

“Jesus-“ Milan crouches, placing a hand on Robbe’s knee and Robbe recoils. Milan tries not to look scared, but Milan is a bad actor.

“There were four of them,” Sander explains as Milan and Sander help Robbe to his feet. Sander got up by himself, it would seem, Zoe hovering closely beside. 

“How’d they- I mean what were you-“ Milan begins, but Robbe can tell he already knows the answer. Robbe feels angry. Angry that this is the moment he has to explain his situation. Angry that it’s not over a cup of coffee at the table as they all roam around the flat on a Saturday morning. 

“We were kissing,” Robbe finds Sander’s eyes, Sander nodding. “And they saw. We tried to get our bikes and leave but- well.”

“Robbe-“

“Please,” Robbe says weakly. “Can we just go home?”

“Yes but-“ Zoe begins, but Senne places a hand on her shoulder. She goes quiet as they all slowly make their way back to Senne’s car. 

-

“Here, ice will make those less painful in the morning,” Senne passes Robbe an ice pack as he nods towards the bruises on Robbe’s stomach. Sander is sitting beside him on the couch having changed into a pair of Robbe’s sweatpants and a black shirt.

Robbe’s brain goes blank again. He doesn’t feel entirely here. He’s aware of Sander telling Milan what tea he would like, and Zoe putting a disinfectant cream on his forehead cut and adding a bandage, and Senne slowly disappearing to give them space. He feels Sander rub his back and ask how he’s doing, and he feels himself just nod. But it feels dreamlike. He wishes it was a dream.

At some point Milan must have decided that enough is enough because he’s suddenly kneeling in front of Robbe.

“Hey,” Milan says gently. “You gotta talk to us. This isn’t something I’m going to let slide.”

Robbe looks at him as Sander moves his hand from Robbe’s back to his hand. Robbe squeezes, desperate for an anchor. It helps centre him for a second, the room becoming clearer and Sander’s scent lingering beside him.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Robbe responds honestly. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay-“ Milan begins.

“No, Milan,” Robbe interrupts. “I’m sorry for- for what I said. Yesterday, it wasn’t-“

“Robbe, seriously, I’m over it-“

“No!” Robbe cuts him off again, his voice growing louder. “You shouldn’t be over it. You shouldn’t fucking- I’m a fucking asshole-“

“Hey, stop,” Sander says. “You’re not-“

“I am! I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind, and I’m scared-” Robbe feels his voice crack as Sander pulls him into his chest. Robbe can hear Sander’s heartbeat. He tries to focus on it, tries to hold onto it to keep him from completely panicking.

“Robbe, your reaction is completely normal, okay?” Milan says gently. “Both of your reactions are normal. There is no guideline on how to deal with this. But you need to talk about it, like you are. This isn’t something you can lock away.”

They all go quiet as Robbe’s breathing calms down. When Robbe feels like he can sit up, he pulls himself away from Sander’s chest and rubs at his face.

“Okay, okay,” Robbe exhales.

“I didn’t know if they were going to stop,” Sander surprises Robbe by speaking first. His face is calm, but his eyes more pained than before. “It felt like it lasted an hour.”

Robbe nods. “I’m pissed we grabbed the bikes. We should have ran back towards the restaurant.”

“Adrenaline,” Milan joins in, moving from his place on the floor in front of Robbe to on the couch beside them. “Probably not a lot of time to think rationally.”

Sander nods. “I was also scared they might have a knife.”

“They didn’t,” Robbe looks him in the eyes.

“Thank god,” Sander whispers, looking down.

They talk for another twenty minutes before their eyes grow heavy. Milan helps them to bed, promising a huge breakfast in the morning. 

Robbe and Sander fall asleep to the sound of the other’s breathing. Robbe’s heart clenches as he imagines a different outcome. He feels better after talking about it, but the fear remains. He doesn’t know how long it will last, only that for now, in this moment, he feels lucky to be alive in this specific universe with Sander Driesen.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! i coughed this up in an attempt to cope with what my eyes saw the other night. i tried to show how sander is quite desensitized to violence because i have a feeling he's had a rough past. but we will see i guess.
> 
> how are you guys liking this season? let me know in the comments!


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